Sometimes you just need to breathe
Sara Adams
Issue date: 4/9/09 Section: Opinion
An absence of breath...a failed attempt to gasp...a feeling of catastrophe...a knot in our throats preventing breathing.
I'm talking about, of course, choking. However, I'm not talking about choking on anything tangible. I speak of choking on an idea, an emotion, a feeling, whatever you want to call it. I'm talking about choking on regret.
Regret. A solid, stubbornly lodged rock in our throats. Bitter-tasting and slimy, it cuts off our air any time a past event with an unfortunate outcome pops into our heads.
Everyday, we choke ourselves on regret. Pieces of "shoulda, coulda, and woulda" resign themselves to rest in our lungs, heavy on our hearts. They form knots in our stomachs and clog our thoughts. These words escape our mouths everyday.
Our problem is that we attempt to work through our past situations, adding alternate endings or special circumstances, like a special feature on a DVD. We all recognize that this changes nothing, but still, believing it will bring us closure, imagining the positive outcomes that might have been. "He wouldn't have left me if I did this."; "I should have done that differently."; "I could have done better." These rose-colored thoughts do nothing to alieviate our regret. They only exacerbate it. It only causes anger at ourselves for NOT doing what we "shoulda/coulda/woulda" done.
The harsh truth is this: we can't change our past. No matter how many alternate endings we work through, it still exists. Nothing changes except the amount of negativity in our bloodstreams. If we continue to suffocate on our past, it will eventually do us in. It isn't possible to live without air, and it isn't possible to look forward if we are constantly staring behind us.
My life-tip is this, ladies and gentlemen. "Shoulda/coulda/woulda/" are negative terms. They imply that past decisions were poor. While they might have been, is it really productive to constantly be thinking about what we perceive as a "failure"? No. It does nothing but choke us and stunt our personal growth. This tip I am taking from a very good friend of mine, Shannon Coyle. She has shown me what it really means to be positive, and she did it through a single piece of advice:
I'm talking about, of course, choking. However, I'm not talking about choking on anything tangible. I speak of choking on an idea, an emotion, a feeling, whatever you want to call it. I'm talking about choking on regret.
Regret. A solid, stubbornly lodged rock in our throats. Bitter-tasting and slimy, it cuts off our air any time a past event with an unfortunate outcome pops into our heads.
Everyday, we choke ourselves on regret. Pieces of "shoulda, coulda, and woulda" resign themselves to rest in our lungs, heavy on our hearts. They form knots in our stomachs and clog our thoughts. These words escape our mouths everyday.
Our problem is that we attempt to work through our past situations, adding alternate endings or special circumstances, like a special feature on a DVD. We all recognize that this changes nothing, but still, believing it will bring us closure, imagining the positive outcomes that might have been. "He wouldn't have left me if I did this."; "I should have done that differently."; "I could have done better." These rose-colored thoughts do nothing to alieviate our regret. They only exacerbate it. It only causes anger at ourselves for NOT doing what we "shoulda/coulda/woulda" done.
The harsh truth is this: we can't change our past. No matter how many alternate endings we work through, it still exists. Nothing changes except the amount of negativity in our bloodstreams. If we continue to suffocate on our past, it will eventually do us in. It isn't possible to live without air, and it isn't possible to look forward if we are constantly staring behind us.
My life-tip is this, ladies and gentlemen. "Shoulda/coulda/woulda/" are negative terms. They imply that past decisions were poor. While they might have been, is it really productive to constantly be thinking about what we perceive as a "failure"? No. It does nothing but choke us and stunt our personal growth. This tip I am taking from a very good friend of mine, Shannon Coyle. She has shown me what it really means to be positive, and she did it through a single piece of advice:
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Jacksonville Movers
posted 5/13/09 @ 9:52 AM CST
It's definitely good to learn from our mistakes and experiences instead of dwelling on them. I think it's okay to have the shoulda/coulda/woulda thoughts for the purpose of figuring out what you should have done and deciding that you will do it right next time. (Continued…)
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